Monday, August 15, 2011



“The world is given to me only once, not one existing and one perceived.” - Erwin Schrödinger

Taking a chance is often an intimidating task.  All possible outcomes race through your mind.  Each play out simultaneously, indefinite until measured.  It’s easy to leave it to theory, to chalk it up to superposition and move on with your life.  Giving something that matters a definitive state can be a scary thing.  But they say the only things you live to regret are the risks you didn’t take.

Over the past few years I’ve learned betting on myself pays off more often than it doesn’t.  As success bred confidence I found it easier and easier to take a chance on myself.  And my life is so much better for it.  But this lesson was learned so late!  I can't help but reflect on all the chances I never took.  My life is filled with regret.  So many parallel lives playing out simultaneously in my mind, lives that could have been, should have been.

So many chances to shine were spent hiding in the dark.  So many ambitions silenced under my own guard.  Too many dreams of my youth never made their way to my waking life.  I've loved, but never took the chance they might love me back. Most of them never even knew.  I imagine a life where I told every girl, took every chance, and risked for every reward.  A world where every possibility was sparked into existence through my observation.  I’d have gained more than I lost.  I’d have taken 2 steps forward for every step back.  I’d ride the wave of probability.  Who knows how far I’d be if I hadn’t waited so long to open the box.

I’m still young, despite being the oldest I’ve ever been.  I can go forward with this knowledge, and try not to repeat the mistakes that haunt me still.  But they will haunt me forever.  I may never forgive myself.  Regret is the most diabolical of mechanisms.

Growing up, it seems, is the collapse of possibility into the reality.  Better late than never.  If we don’t take risks, life ends up being nothing more than a thought experiment.  So many dualities denied any kind of fate, left for eternity in limbo.  Parallel lives, both living and dead.  And neither.


No comments: