I’ve been having some financial trouble as of late. It’s no secret I accrued some debt in my youth.
Over the past year I’ve changed more than I ever have before. Finding a passion in life, realizing I’m good at something, and having the courage to follow it really brought out who I’ve always felt I was. When I think of the aimless bum I used to be, overwhelmed with restlessness and ennui, it makes me so thankful to be out here.
But it’s frustrating that while I’ve finally gotten my shit together, pursuing a well-paying career I love, making new friends and building a life I can call my own, I still live in the shadow of the stupid decisions I made in my past. There was a time when my life was just a void I tried to fill any way possible. From one destructive thing to another I looked for distractions and ways to keep myself from having to focus on the fact that my life really had no purpose or goal. Now that I’ve found a goal, ironically, life has become looking for ways to keep the repercussions of those days from becoming distractions themselves, from the future I’m trying to build.
That said, I don’t let myself feel too bad for too long. An amazingly intricate series of events, coincidences and mistakes led me here, and I am incredibly lucky they did. If it weren’t for my mistakes as a teen I never would have fallen off the beaten path, I never would have searched for more out of life, I wouldn't have gone on a roadtrip I couldn’t afford looking for it. Without that roadtrip I never would have had the courage (or debt) to consider coming out here in search of something more lucrative and rewarding, and never would have stumbled into the life I had been looking for all along. I’ve never seen the potential for the kind of happiness this path offers, ever before in my life. I don’t know anyone who loves their job like I do (except the other people I work with). I love going into the office, I’m good at the work I do, I love the people I work with, I can take pride in the work I do and the products that will have my name on them. It’s work I can get excited about.
And it’s a company that treats their employees fantastically. Where else offers things like Cake Day, Beer Day, Board Game Day, Free Sundae Day, free breakfasts and snacks? Where else can a Nerf war break out at any moment? Where else can you swing by a buddies office and take a 15 minute Soul Caliber break? It’s not just fun and games though, I work hard, meet deadlines, take on responsibilities, etc, and I love it. I’ve never felt productive or useful the way I do here. Even if I don’t get a permanent position this year, next year or even the year after that… I can’t feel anything but humble and grateful that I have this kind of opportunity at all, and I won’t squander it.
I’ll just have to look at these tougher times as a test. And I promise you I will pass. I’ve never before had such a burning passion, such narrow tunnel vision, such determination. I’ve never wanted something more. And more importantly, I’ve never been good at something like this before. I will put in as much time as it takes, I will rough out the storm no matter how hard it pours, and I will EARN the future that will make it all worth it.
“There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love; there's only scarcity of resolve to make it happen.”